Or Did My Single Life Change Me…
By the time I was in my 30’s, I thought I would be busy with the American Dream. I would have a corporate career, a loving husband and 2.5 kids to chase around within a white picket fence. Like many, the culture, my family and the media set my expectations. I was following the standard life template (i.e. go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, grow a family, increase debt, and so on).
As years passed, I wasn’t getting anywhere close. There was a cultural shift and I was right in the middle of it:
People were staying single longer and getting married less.
Nothing prepares for you for the possibility that this next chapter may not happen for a while or at all. For me, all I knew was to live my life, put myself out there and wait as it will happen for me. #fml
How Being Single Sucks.
My life was the same as last year and the year before. My life consisted of work, working out, going out, getting drunk, and bad dates – repeat. I was holding myself back from the bigger things I wanted to do because I was waiting. I didn’t want to buy a house, start a business nor travel to the most exotic places on earth because I wanted to do it with him. My mind was hung up on what I didn’t have while my energy was spent on being an available potential partner. I inadvertently, stunted my growth for the last 7-10 years of my life.
The Benefit of Being Single: Pain
Just when it seemed the stars were aligning for me, at the turn of 2016, I dealt with a huge blow. I caught my boyfriend cheating. This was the same man who fought long and hard after a year to bring my guard down and trust him. The same man that defined our relationship to his family and kids. The same man that had me believe I was about to get the chance at a life with love.
While this was devastating, it was also the fire I found within. I didn’t want to waste another day or year dwelling on another pain to add to my pile. I needed a big shift now. I never wanted a passion and purpose so badly to distract me from this darkness. I had no idea where or how to start. I had to asked myself…
What If I Was Single Forever?
What if that’s what the crystal ball says?
When I removed the element of marriage and kids, it had an affect on my personal outlook. I was looking at life through a different lens with no limitation in sight. The choices were always there and endless. Except this time, I was now ready to see them and take them on.
So, I wrote 100 things I wanted to do.
Soon to be called, the 100 Goal Challenge, I committed the rest of the year to accomplishing these things or goals. I was my focus. Dating was on the back burner. It would not be a priority or a factor in any of my decisions.
Little did I know taking on the 100 Goal Challenge would be the beginning of a whole new life and mindset. The practice challenged me to listen to myself again, pay attention to fleeting desires and suppressed curiosities. It helped to cut out the minutia that bogged me down in my day-to-day. Shockingly, I became too busy to worry about not having a partner or being a mother. I had a world to explore. I had skills to develop. I had challenges to face. I had mountains to climb. I had goals to accomplish.
This experience became an organic exploration for passion and purpose. With that, I soon discovered that I enjoyed helping people with the things I’m good at and know very well.
How I Found Fulfillment Being Single.
Enter The Spinning Wheel Site (TSW)
The creation of the blog was a direct product from my 100 Goal Challenge. In developing it, I learned that writing was therapeutic and a channel for my voice. I was never one to remain quiet when things didn’t seem right or made sense. This platform allowed me to raise awareness, challenge behaviors, and propose ways to improve relationships.
Having been single for so long, it was natural for me to focus on dating and all the relationships around it. When you’re single, your community of friends and strangers are your urban family. Co-habiting harmoniously among this directly feeds into your mental and physical health. Not to mention, keeping a connection with the opposite sex helps to maintain perspective and growth.
And, I wouldn’t dare express myself without staying true to my dick-joking self…
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This is one way to wake your Saturday morning up! I know what you’re thinking: that coffee looks delicious! Know what I’m thinking?? I’ve got a phallic-(sack-heavy)-shaped design on my flat white! #wtfisthis #creativemaybe #flatwhite #coffeedesigns #coffeeshopmoments #whataretheytryingtosay #sheneedstogetoutmore I really don’t know what “flower” this is supposed to represent. Maybe an upside down bouquet? Nah. A mushroom? Hard to believe. A…little pee pee? Maybe… #lifeisfunny #livingforme #embraceyourpath #dontbeashamed #singleisgood #soarerelationships #makethemostofit #perceptionisreality #dowhatyoulove #atxblogger #thespinningwheelsite #dontwaitonthewhitepicketfence #balilife #canggulife #atx @rukocafe
I began hearing from my male followers. Surprisingly, my story inspired them as they too felt lost not having materialized a family yet. Not to mention, my content around dating would help them to understand women better. Times have become increasingly tense with what’s happening in the media.
My followers felt like they had someone on their team just as I am with many of my guy friends. I always had a knack for cultivating strong guy friendships based on trust, honesty and support. All while having playful lighthearted banter due to our camaraderie.
Why not recreate the same space on TSW? Why not offer a place to help guys navigate through their dating struggles and opportunities? Why not give them a look into how women think, what we want and why we feel the way we do.
When I’m not looking out for the next guy in his dating adventures, I’m building websites for new bloggers. I had the best time designing my WordPress site, but not many share the same sentiment as they want to focus on content. Enter Elisa! Being a blogger myself, I offer insight and awareness of the pitfalls and tools to starting out. Unlike working with a developer, this is not one-sided. They bounce ideas off of me while I walk them through the process and eventually hand over their site ready for content, like a turnkey home.
I Dumped Being Single and Entered a Relationship with Life.
I hardly ever think about how I’m single nor the need for a partner anymore. I’m not ashamed of it as it’s the reason why I am where I am. Maybe one day I’ll get the white picket fence, maybe not. I may be seeing someone, I may not. That’s part of life. But if I am, he will be just as busy and passionate about his on goings as me. That’s for damn sure.
Life is too short, and it can dump me if I’m not careful and grateful.
As of late last year, I let go of my place in Austin, TX and currently live in Bali, Indonesia to further my passions. My life is no longer inundated by expectations of others and the pressure to consume and deepen debt. Instead, I live on an island with waterfalls, ocean sunsets, and cheap beer. For now, this is my new way of living and loving whether I stay here, move somewhere else or move back to the US.
Thank you for following my journey. If my story had any positive influence to your day or your life, I encourage you to subscribe below. You would be surprised how the world is balls deep with people like you and me.
Cheers! ‘Til Next, Elisa
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Welcome to my cafe bedroom in @districtcanggu I just woke up from my delicious #flatwhitecoffee #bedheaddontcare Love this place for all the nooks and crannies you can work in. The best part though? Not the beautiful views of the rice fields (but that is nice), the wonderful steady breeze that comes in this place. #bali #balilife can get so hot, but here I can stay cool and concentrated. #whatmorecanyouaskfor Food? Yeah, I’m a fan of that too. I think I was #twistingmymelon with every plate that was walking by. Try the #eggocado #hitthespot I got my eye on their Caesar salad next! #atx #htx #canggulife #atxblogger #thespinningwheelsite #coffeeshoplife #coffeejunkie