While working with male sample groups for my last blog, many shared their increasing frustration within the dating space. Some struggle to know when to make a move. I get it. Being a recipient, I’ve experienced dates who didn’t read my signals when I wasn’t interested. When two people fail to understand each other on the first date this can kill a potential connection or cause frustration as it has for me. No one wants to give or receive inadvertent pressure. We can all avoid another Aziz “I’m Sorry” Ansari. This is when being aware of non-verbal cues is critical especially when making or not making the first move – the kiss.
Women Cue Differently
To no surprise, for many women, our values are centered around consensus. We are brought up to be considerate of others, many times over our own needs. You see this often with families, friends and work. As a result, our strength is in our ability to be sensitive and communicate sensitively.
Unlike women, I’ve been told BY men that men are hard headed and need s-p-e-l-l-e-d o-u-t messages. The opposite end of the spectrum. Letting someone down in a straight forward, firm manner was particularly hard for me as I like the nice guy. I root for the under dog. I understand putting yourself out there is hard which makes rejecting you harder for me to do. What’s easier – dealing with a kiss or having an awkward conversation? Don’t ever do a pity kiss. Ever.
There is no question this can be a debilitating trait for me and for many women. Yes, we need to improve our ability to be direct and very clear of what we want and don’t want.
Inevitably, when you put two people together that are not on the same page with these two opposite communication styles, we’re asking for a train wreck.
When we don’t want to kiss, we actively send you non-verbal cues.
Sensing she is comfortable and growing interest (or disinterest) is key to determine your next move, if at all. If there is anything about women I know, we have some consistent behavior when we want to keep our space with you. Sometimes guys get it and sometimes they don’t. Here are 5 non-verbal cues to know she is not ready for that kiss in the 3 minute clip below.
As for me, I’m better at pushing back. My experience has led me to improve in this area. Note, this is not quite the same for those who are starting out in the dating scene.
Share this blog post if you find this helpful. This is all in the name to improve our relations with each other.
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‘Til Next, Elisa