Closure: Why You Should Ask What Happened.

Recently, a couple had a fling over the weekend. Whether it was only a weekend or an ongoing affair, it wasn’t clear between them. They simply went with the flow. And so, just with any fun nights, they were high from the saucy time and continued with flirty, affectionate texts into the week. After several days, communication ended abruptly.

One had realized that it wasn’t the right time to get involved with anyone – casual or not. The other, rolling with the fling and with no warning, experienced the other’s sudden shift of behavior. For most of us, this can feel like being thrown away like a bad habit – very frustrating.

We’ve all experienced this pull back. No one is safe from it. And most times, this feeling of rejection isn’t about a great love loss. It’s about the feeling of someone, anyone, not liking you and, technically, disconnecting from you.

So, what do most of us do? We reluctantly go on with our day. We’re a little bummed, yes. Then, occasionally, when we have a moment to ourselves, we can’t help but wonder what happened. What did we do wrong?

Tension began building between the two, leaving one feeling blame with a jab to their self-confidence. Who wouldn’t?

I suggested to ask the other what happened. This wasn’t met without any resistance. You already feel insecure and you don’t want to make yourself look even more either. But, its no longer about what the other person thinks. It’s about you, just like their decision was all about them.

Granted, the outcome may not change. However, getting clarity will give the mental release to move on, rather than the unknown chipping away at the ego and creating unnecessary self-doubt.

After a bit more nudging, the question was asked, and they talked shortly after. As I had predicted, the status remained, but now both people were clear on what happened and how they got here. Yes, there were some misleading words exchanged and the realization that some things may not have been clear at the start. They both confirmed that this gave them direction to this initially undefined relationship, thus avoiding from things dragging on.

When I was the recipient of a pull back, I too, was one of those that dreaded asking for answers to a relationship, much less a fling. I didn’t want to hear the “It’s not you, its me.” line, but I was missing a critical takeaway these closures provided: the chance to relieve my mind and my frustration. I would get the respect, time and explanation I deserved whether it was a text or a conversation.

The goal is to heal my wounds in a healthy way and avoid self-infliction because, at the end of the day, no else will. I am responsible for my emotions and moving on.

You know we all go through this. Hell, you probably have a friend going through this now. Share it with them. #helpthemheal

‘Til Next, Elisa
#therelationshits #helpthemheal #relationshipclosure #thespinningwheelsite

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