I’m with a group of girls here in Bali actively dating online because we can’t go too long without some love action, right? Who doesn’t love a little attention and affection in these wet hot jungles. In our circle, we talk about our dating stories or #bumblefumbles. I happen to interrupt one of the gals who was “Facebooking stalking” a potential date or really, cross checking who he says he is.
“Yeah, just wanted to check him out, that’s all,” she discreetly confessed with a little giggle as she quickly put her phone away. “You need to do that with everyone. No question.” I told her. And don’t let your date shame you into feeling that way either, I thought, which plenty do.
As soon as some dates get a hint you’ve looked them up, they follow it with, “Oh, so you Facebook stalked me?” Calling me out as if I had just committed a ridiculous offense or worse, calling me out like I can’t contain my infatuation.
You’re about to meet someone you’ve never met. We’ve only seen a few photos, hand selected by you, with a blurb. That just isn’t enough to invite someone you don’t know into your life, and in your physical and emotional space.
Yes, getting to know someone is a big part of dating, that’s understood. But, we still and will continue to live in a world with wild cards. That wild card could be someone married, a $10,000 millionaire, a womanizer, a sex offender, or just a liar, not to mention, the #Metoo men of the world.
A few years back, my boyfriend, at the time, was away for a week on a work trip. Not too many days later, my San Francisco friends text me screenshots of his Tinder pics. Other than obviously appearing single, he also had the nerve to lie about his profession (tech investor) and cheesed it up with a hobby as a pilot. Oh, and the jerk apparently found the fountain of youth too and listed himself 9 years younger. What a catch I had in my hands.
We later found his secret Facebook profile he created to get the Tinder account.
(He is now married, still has that secret FB account and it is not linked to his wife. Poor gal.)
The next time your date asks if you’ve Facebook stalked them, you can say, of course I did. I’m not sure what’s more stupid, not looking you up or asking me this question. Well, maybe you don’t say that last bit.
Let’s make something clear. I didn’t Facebook stalk you because I’m that into you. My interest grows based on the time I spend with you and what I learn about you through your actions and how you treat me, not by the persona I’m building in my head. We’re not in Kansas anymore Toto. Your pretty good looks and your pictures at da club only go so far. I need substance to get this heart warmed up.
For the good guys out there, this effort will have no impact on you other than her realizing what a normal precious gem you are. You are more likely to encourage this as a courtesy to make us feel comfortable.
For the rotten ones, it was a pleasure. Maybe we need to look at the person or people who shame this act to begin with.
Later this week, in my own quirky way, I’ll share more of my bad dating experiences due to poor screening via The Spinning Wheel You Tube Channel.
Indulge in the vlog when it comes out and never doubt again. No need to experience terrible dating for yourself when I’ve done it for you.
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‘Til Next, Elisa
#facebookstalkofcourse #bumblefumbles #metoomen