No Marriage. No Kids. No Plan B. How I Am Building A New Life.

TSW is a goal-oriented program. Each blog is pivoted around a goal(s) to help users identify the things they want to accomplish in their lives to build out their list.

This past month marked the one year anniversary I took on the #100goalchallenge. I’ll be straight, it’s not for everyone. It’s for someone who has the raw desire for change, but has no starting point in sight. Your mind is fragmented, your happiness is foreign. You don’t know what fulfillment feels like, at least, not anymore.

For me, I had no plan B. The marriage, the kids and the great career was supposed to happen. I didn’t plan on anything else beyond the white picket fence. I was lost. My own sadness was growing every year and with that, every year looked the same since my early thirties. I needed change and a plan for a new life.

100 Goals, twelve months later – I had a mindset evolution.

I am out of my own ass and everyone else’s expectations. I’ve transformed into a runner that’s after that new life versus waiting at the bus stop for something to come to me.

I don’t have a traditional passion and that’s ok. I am defining that as I go along. I spend my free time pursuing entrepreneurial paths, crafting and growing my voice, supporting friends on their “Plan B’s” and ultimately, listening to what gets me excited.

My community has changed. What was once singles with binge drinking and serial dating on the brain, is now a variety of people – single, married or recently divorced – seeking change through development and fulfillment. This mid-life crisis is no joke.

Our conversations are centered around our latest projects, opportunities, obstacles and inspiration. Dating, marriage and kids is not a frequent topic, a stark contrast from January 2016, unless intentional –

I recently asked a friend “the no picket fence” question, “What would he do differently if he knew he may never marry?” With a little press, he began calling out creative, unrestricted dreams that stemmed well out of the traditional sales path he’s programmed for himself. For that precious moment, he wasn’t thinking about how to make his life more desirable for a marriage nor fitting for a picket fence future. He was listening to himself.

I couldn’t shut him up afterwards. He was excited like a kid and it was fantastic seeing this. I was satisfied I disrupted a mind.

The Original 100

When I look over my first list, it’s evident my world was small. The majority of it consisted of “goals” that were short-sided and semi-easy such as take a vacation or learn how to iron. I had neglected to challenge myself. My wants and needs were cluttered with life basics and menial tasks. No one was shooting for the stars over here! All of this plus my own pity party. It is no wonder my life was on a loop.

This year, I didn’t commit to 100 goals. I didn’t need to. My 2017 list was cut to 50. Of the ~90 I captured throughout last year, I reduced it to those that were truly meaningful and challenging. The easy ones weren’t necessary. My self-confidence was reinforced and my inner voice wasn’t buried anymore. Societal expectations and judgments are no longer affecting my path.

I came across The Family Man with Nicolas Cage the other day and couldn’t help but chuckle. Oh, how Hollywood loves to portray the older single person as miserable, empty and too career driven until he or she finds life’s answers: the wife, the kids and the house (the white picket fence). Any side of that story will make anyone stale if you’re not nurturing yourself. Being single or married is not a bad thing. It’s about how you manage yourself beyond it.

Life doesn’t get interesting on its own. 

Fulfillment is not a one time act. It’s a living, breathing life within you that needs continuous attention and feeding. When done right, it’s exciting and invigorating. When not, its work. Your partner is not an answer to this either.

If I could change anything about my life, I would have started this exercise in my twenties right after college. At the time, I only knew to get a job and price compare white picket fences.

These days I price compare investments for my passion, dresses for my body, and trips for my soul.  

‘Til Next, Elisa

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